Telling Your Children You Are Getting a Divorce

by Chris Palmer

One can only imagine how difficult it is to explain to your children why their parents are divorcing.  The questions, the pleading, the tears, the apologies and the shattered desire of sheltering your children from life’s pain.  For a parent that puts their children first, this pain has to be right at the top of the list of unpleasant experiences. However, others use that moment not to delicately guide their children into their new existence, but to destroy the other parent in the eyes of the children.  Too often children are intentionally sucked into divorce litigation and they become the victims of their parent’s need to win at all costs.

A recent article provides a thoughtful analysis of the process of explaining to your children that you are divorcing.  There are right ways to tell the children and there are certainly wrong ways to tell the children. The article recommends the following steps as the correct way to ease your children into a divorce:

  1. Tell your kids together, despite your differences.  They need to see that both of you will still be their parents.
  2. Don’t blame or criticize your spouse.  Accept responsibility for the split and use this as a first step in developing a new relationship with your children as divorced parents.
  3. Explain what post-divorce life will look like for the children.
  4. Rehearse the conversation with your spouse.  Anticipate the questions and be prepared with responses.
  5. Remind the children that they did nothing to cause the divorce.
  6. Be patient and give your children time to adjust.

Anyone divorcing, with children, would do well to take the points mentioned in the article and use them in discussing divorce with their children.

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Posted in About Divorce, Collection, General | January 9th, 2012 No Comments »

Holiday Survival Guide

by Chris Palmer

Holidays can be filled with stress in even the most solid families but in divorced or divorcing families, they can quickly become one of the most miserable times of the year.  Finances usually come into play, as well as increased demands on time, but the misery that parents sometimes experience usually results more from their need to be inflexible and unyielding in their plans as well as the need to feel as if they “beat” their former spouse.  Unfortunately, this behavior typically results in the children enjoying the holiday less as well, making everyone unhappy.  Put the children first and leave the fighting out of the picture.  Common sense and focusing on helping the children enjoy the holiday is the best pathway to an enjoyable holiday.  Here is a good article that addresses some of the issues.

Merry Christmas!

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Posted in General | December 21st, 2011 No Comments »

The Decline of Traditional Morality

by Chris Palmer

A recent survey has indicated that marriage rates are at an all time low.  In the 1960’s the median age for marriage was around 20 but now, the median age has risen to 26 for women and 29 for men. Rising divorce rates have contributed to the statistics as well as economic concerns.  What is most troubling though is that the survey reflects a sense of apathy towards marriage in general as evidenced by this quote: “A Pew survey last year determined that more than four in 10 Americans younger than 30 consider marriage passe.  ”They see it as an obselete social environment,” said D’Vera Cohn, a Pew researcher who co-wrote the analysis.”  Unfortunately, out-of-wedlock births have not followed the same path.

A study from the United Stated Department of Health and Human Resources shows that non-marital births are at greater risk of low birth weight, preterm birth and infant mortality than children born to married women.  The study also shows that children born to single mothers have more limited social and economic resources than those born to marriage.  Yet the 2007 data used in the study shows that  4 in 10 children were born out of wedlock, reflecting a 5% increase in unmarried birth since 2006, a 21% increase since 2002 and an 80% increase since 1980.

When you look at the declining marriage statistics, the changing view of marriage by young Americans and skyrocketing out-of-wedlock births, you begin to see a grim portrait of America’s future.  It appears that Americans have slowly moved toward a more narcissistic existence, one in which self-satisfaction comes first and commitment to family comes second. Why else would the statistics show declining marriage rates yet rising birth rates among unmarried people?  One only has to hang around your local family court to see the problems that result from out-of-wedlock births.  Court are jammed with single mothers begging for financial assistance from absent fathers while vehemently opposing the father’s efforts to have a relationship with his child.  If this trend continues, marriage will soon be a minority as will children born to marriage.   One has to wonder what the long term effects of this trend will have on the country if it continues since the trend sheds light on a much larger issue not addressed by the statistics – the decline of traditional views of morality.

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Posted in Child Support, General | December 15th, 2011 No Comments »

Bible Belt States, Including Mississippi, Have Higher Divorce Rate

by Jake Adams

Despite their  ”Bible Belt” status, Mississippi and other southern states have a higher rate of divorce than states in the Northeast. Surprising, right? Click here to read an article regarding the divorce findings of a U.S. Census Bureau report.

Some theorize that the South’s higher divorce rate is caused by getting married too young.  While I disagree with the writer’s underlying agenda to discredit the sexual values instilled by Christianity, the statistical variance between Southern divorce rates and Northeastern divorce rates should be studied. There may be a lesson to be learned from Northeasterner’s who routinely marry much later in life, the theory being that with age comes maturity, education, and a realistic approach to marriage. No one can argue that maturity, education and realism are necessary equipment for a successful marriage.

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Posted in General | August 29th, 2011 No Comments »

Divorce: What is it good for?

by Jake Adams

I’m a divorce lawyer and believe it or not, I hate divorce. Yes, you read that correctly, I hate divorce. The truth is I’m a child of divorced parents. I’ve both felt the pain of divorce and I’ve witnessed it by watching my parents in the 20 years since they ended their marriage. Given my personal experience and my professional experience of representing many clients in divorce I feel I owe it to my friends, family and future clients to give you these warnings about divorce. Please read carefully.

The sting of divorce takes years and years to fade and its consequences last a lifetime. From the time you divorce until the day of your demise you will always be an ex-wife or ex-husband. And the consequences aren’t limited to just the divorcing spouses. Divorce is more akin to a cluster bomb than it is a rifle bullet. Its reach is far and wide. You will lose relationships with friends and family members and maybe even business associates and co-workers if you get divorced. Not all of them mind you, but some of them.

Divorce is not a cure for unhappiness.  In my experience, people who seek a divorce as a tonic for unhappiness are disappointed almost 100 percent of the time. Getting a divorce because you are unhappy is like quitting work because you don’t make enough money. It’ll only make it worse.

Divorce will not make you a better parent. Don’t believe the lie that your children are far better off if you get divorced just because you and your spouse are frequently at odds or are struggling through seemingly insurmountable difficult times. Children need to see parents argue and disagree and work through their differences. Watching two people who love each other or once loved each other struggle to work through life’s difficulties is far better for your children than seeing you give up. Marriage was meant to be forever. Children know that at a very early age. Why do you think they love Disney Princess movies so much? You will not “help” your children by giving up on your marriage.

Divorce will not make your life easier. It’ll only be more difficult. Trust me. It’s more expensive. It’s inconvenient. You will lose relationships. Your life will be more difficult if you get divorced. This is not a prediction. It is a guarantee.

Divorce will not lead to a relationship with someone else who will make you more happy than your current spouse. It won’t. Briefly, maybe. But those feelings of lust and a yearning to be with that other person will eventually subside. Just like they did with your current spouse. They will. I promise. And then you’ll realize that you’re married to someone as a result of a tragic mistake that you made while married to your first spouse. Or you’ll just find yourself in the same level of unhappiness as you had with your first spouse. Either way, this will happen. Believe me.

Divorce is not a cure for financial hardship. It’s not. Divorce is expensive. Even with a “cheap” divorce lawyer. Being responsible for your own household is expensive. If you get divorced I can assure you that your financial situation will get more complicated. Not less. Your child support will not go as far as you think it will, and alimony is hard to get. It is. I promise.

Divorce will not be more fun. It won’t. You will enjoy very few nights on the town before you realize you are lonely and would like companionship. You will then begin the quest for a second spouse. This will happen. I guarantee it.

Look, I could go on and on about the disappointment you will find in divorce. If you’re considering a divorce please consider it very, very carefully. It’s a decision that will remain with you for the rest of your life.

Am I blogging myself out of a career? No. I’m not. Unfortunately, the sad truth in our present world is that some marriages really do need to end. Some spouses commit adultery. Some people unfortunately really are in prisons disguised as marriages. Some people are emotionally and physically abused. Some spouses are abandoned and there’s  nothing left to do but call me.

I’m not writing myself out of a job. I’ll always have clients. But I want you to know, if you’re coming to me because you think I’m going to make your life better, chances are, I’m not.

But if you want to talk about it, I’m here.

Posted in FAQ, General | August 15th, 2011 No Comments »

Is Divorce Your Best Option?

Is divorce your best option?  It’s a question worth asking. But while it may be a strange topic to find on the website of a law firm that specializes in domestic relations cases, it is the very question that should be asked right off the bat by competent attorneys when counseling clients who are contemplating divorce.  Why?  Because divorce can be very messy.  Divorce can negatively impact children of the marriage.  Divorce can cause financial burdens that may deeply impact your future.  The outcome of a divorce case is uncertain.  And it may be that, in your situation, divorce is not your best option.

Given the emotional strain and uncertainty that you are already experiencing, shouldn’t the legal counsel you receive be determined by what is in your best interest and in the best interest of your children, even if it means that our recommendation is that you not proceed with a divorce filing?  Shouldn’t you feel comfortable knowing that the advice you receive is not determined by an attorney’s desire to take in a divorce case?  At Adams & Edens, P.A., we believe the role of your attorney should involve more than advocacy.  Your attorney should also be your counselor.  And as a counselor, your attorney should be well versed in Mississippi divorce law, but also well practiced in listening carefully to your circumstances, ask probing questions, and give you sound advice that is in your best interest.

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Posted in About Divorce | July 15th, 2011 No Comments »

When Does Flirting Become Cheating?

by Chris Palmer

When does online or text flirting become cheating? That is not a simple question to answer in the context of a divorce but a recent article has articulated nine red flags that may indicate that more than flirting is occurring.  While none of the listed factors are proof that a spouse is cheating, they are an excellent indicator that more investigation is needed. In fact, a study indicated that the Internet is typically the first step toward the ultimate goal of real-life cheating.  If you suspect your spouse is cheating, call us immediately because you may need to act quickly to preserve evidence critical to your divorce.

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Posted in General, Grounds for Divorce | July 14th, 2011 No Comments »

Annulment of a Marriage

by Chris Palmer

Mississippi Code Ann. 93-7-1 states that, “All bigamous or incestuous marriages are void, and a declaration of nullity may be obtained at the suit of either party.”  A bigamous marriage is one in which one of the parties is already legally married to another.  An incestuous marriage is defined by Miss. Code Ann. 93-1-1, which states:

(1) The son shall not marry his grandmother, his mother, or his stepmother; the brother his sister; the father his daughter, or his legally adopted daughter, or his grand-daughter; the son shall not marry the daughter of his father begotten of his stepmother, or his aunt, being his father’s or mother’s sister, nor shall the children of brother or sister, or brothers and sisters intermarry being first cousins by blood. The father shall not marry his son’s widow; a man shall not marry his wife’s daughter, or his wife’s daughter’s daughter, or his wife’s son’s daughter, or the daughter of his brother or sister; and the like prohibition shall extend to females in the same degrees. All marriages prohibited by this subsection are incestuous and void.

(2) Any marriage between persons of the same gender is prohibited and null and void from the beginning. Any marriage between persons of the same gender that is valid in another jurisdiction does not constitute a legal or valid marriage in Mississippi.

Marriages that are founded on bigamy or incest are considered void  in Mississippi and may be set aside by either spouse or by third parties.  Once granted, an annulment is as if the marriage never occurred.

Mississippi Code 93-7-3 addresses situations where marriages are “voidable” by spouses but are not necessarily void unless one of the spouses raises the issue.  The statute lists five situations where a marriage is voidable if the situation exists at the time of marriage:

1.  Incurable impotency;

2.  Adjudicated mental illness or incompetence of either or both parties;

3.  Failure to meet licensing requirements if not followed by cohabitation;

4.  Lack of consent, whether through physical means, age, mental acuity, fraud or force, provided that the cause for annulment is brought within six months after discovery;

5.  Wife’s pregnancy by another, as long as the husband did not know of the pregnancy and the action is brought within six months after discovery of the pregnancy.

Children born from marriages that are annulled for reasons other than incest are considered legitimate and are governed by same rules applied in divorces.  Children born of an incestuous marriage are considered illegitimate.  Miss. Code Ann. 93-7-5.

Annulments are not as common as divorces and it is rare that a client is entitled to an annulment instead of a divorce.  However, if you feel that you may be entitled to an annulment, it is critical that you meet with an attorney immediately since there are time limitations as well as potential defenses that may prohibit an annulment.

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Posted in Annulment, General | July 13th, 2011 No Comments »

Do Grandparents Have Visitation Rights?

Prior to 2000, states across the country enacted laws that provided Grandparents broad rights of visitation with Grandchildren affected by divorce situations.  These laws were quickly challenged and eventually the U.S. Supreme Court dramatically scaled back Grandparent visitation rights
in the case of Troxel v. Granville, 530 U.S. 57 (2000).  The Supreme Court held that “… the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment protects the fundamental right of parents to make decisions concerning the care, custody, and control of their children.” The Troxel Court found unconstitutional a State of Washington law authorizing broad grandparent visitation rights, which the Court found infringed on the fundamental constitutional right of a mother to make child-rearing decisions.  It is important to note that the Troxel holding did not invalidate all state statutes authorizing Grandparent visitation, but the case does make it clear that such statutes must be narrowly tailored to account for the protection of a parent’s fundamental constitutional right to determine how his/her children will be raised.
Likewise, the Mississippi Legislature enacted a Grandparents’ Visitation Rights Statute, codified at Mississippi Code Annotated Section 93-16-2 (1972), that provides for Grandparent visitation rights under certain circumstances.  For instance, the statute requires, among other things, proof that a grandparent has established a viable relationship with the child and that the parent or custodian of the child is unreasonably denying the grandparent visitation rights with the child.  There are other requirements of proof set forth in the statute, and not every situation is identical.
Assuming a Grandparent satisfies the statutory requirements necessary to bring a court action to establish visitation rights, the court must review the numerous factors that are set forth in the Mississippi Supreme Court case of Martin v. Coop before visitation rights are afforded. A few of these factors are:
1. The amount of disruption that extensive Grandparent visitation will have on the child’s life.
2. The age, and physical and mental health of the grandparents.
3. The moral fitness of the grandparents.
4. Any undermining of the parent’s general discipline of the child.
5. The willingness of the grandparents to accept that the rearing of the child is the responsibility of the parent.
There are a number of additional factors that a court must review.  Are you a Grandparent that desires visitation with a Grandchild affected by divorce, but you are being kept from a relationship with your Grandchild?  You may have visitation rights that can be enforced.  Give the professionals at Adams & Edens, P.A. a call today to discuss whether your desire can become a reality.

Prior to 2000, states across the country enacted laws that provided Grandparents broad rights of visitation with Grandchildren affected by divorce situations.  These laws were quickly challenged and eventually the U.S. Supreme Court dramatically scaled back Grandparent visitation rights in the case of Troxel v. Granville, 530 U.S. 57 (2000).  The Supreme Court held that “… the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment protects the fundamental right of parents to make decisions concerning the care, custody, and control of their children.” The Troxel Court found unconstitutional a State of Washington law authorizing broad grandparent visitation rights, which the Court found infringed on the fundamental constitutional right of a mother to make child-rearing decisions.  It is important to note that the Troxel holding did not invalidate all state statutes authorizing Grandparent visitation, but the case does make it clear that such statutes must be narrowly tailored to account for the protection of a parent’s fundamental constitutional right to determine how his/her children will be raised.

Likewise, the Mississippi Legislature enacted a Grandparents’ Visitation Rights Statute, codified at Mississippi Code Annotated Section 93-16-2 (1972), that provides for Grandparent visitation rights under certain circumstances.  For instance, the statute requires, among other things, proof that a grandparent has established a viable relationship with the child and that the parent or custodian of the child is unreasonably denying the grandparent visitation rights with the child.  There are other requirements of proof set forth in the statute, and not every situation is identical.

Assuming a Grandparent satisfies the statutory requirements necessary to bring a court action to establish visitation rights, the court must review the numerous factors that are set forth in the Mississippi Supreme Court case of Martin v. Coop before visitation rights are afforded. A few of these factors are:

1. The amount of disruption that extensive Grandparent visitation will have on the child’s life.

2. The age, and physical and mental health of the grandparents.

3. The moral fitness of the grandparents

4. Any undermining of the parent’s general discipline of the child.

5. The willingness of the grandparents to accept that the rearing of the child is the responsibility of the parent.

There are a number of additional factors that a court must review.  Are you a Grandparent that desires visitation with a Grandchild affected by divorce, but you are being kept from a relationship with your Grandchild?  You may have visitation rights that can be enforced.  Give the professionals at Adams & Edens, P.A. a call today to discuss whether your desire can become a reality.

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Posted in Child Custody, FAQ | July 6th, 2011 No Comments »

Child Support Contempt Defense

by Chris Palmer

The laws and procedures concerning the enforcement of child support orders greatly favor the person receiving the money.  But there are defenses.

Normally, the person receiving child  support simply alleges that child support was not properly paid and then it becomes the obligation of the payor to prove that payment was made or to prove a valid defense.  If payments were properly made, then the contempt action is dismissed.  If payments were not made, the person paying must prove a recognized and valid defense to the allegation of nonpayment in order to avoid being held in contempt of court.

One of the main defenses to a charge of contempt (other than proving payment) is that the nonpayment is based on an inability to pay the child support.  There has to be a genuine inability to pay and not a situation where the paying party overextended themselves through frivolous spending.  This means that the party must spend money on only basic needs and then apply everything else to the child support payment.  A defendant that claims inability to pay but on cross examination reveals the amount of money spent of non-necessities (beer, cigarettes, etc.) often leaves the courtroom in handcuffs.

Ambiguity in a child support award can also be a valid defense.  For example, a court order that requires a person to pay “14% of their monthly income” would be unenforceable and too ambiguous since it would be subject to multiple interpretations.  Support awards should contain a specific dollar amount in order to avoid ambiguity in interpretation.

While there are other valid and acceptable defenses, the best defense is to avoid getting behind in the payment of child support in the first place.  Finding yourself on the wrong side of a contempt complaint can result in incarceration, wage garnishment and having to pay the other party’s legal fees.   If finances create the necessity of a “financial juggling act” when monthly bills come due, it is far better to not pay a credit card bill than it is to not pay child support.

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Posted in Child Support, Collection | July 6th, 2011 No Comments »

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